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A five-year-old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulled a beer out of the cooler. The little boy asked, “Grandpa, can I have a beer?” Grandpa replied “Can your pecker touch you’re ass?” The little boy answered, “No Grandpa, It’s just a little pecker!” Grandpa said, “Then you’re not man enough to have a beer.”

A little later Grandpa lit up a cigar. The little boy asked, “Grandpa, can I have a cigar?” Once again, Grandpa asked, “Can your pecker touch you’re ass?” The little boy answered “no,” again. Grandpa said, “Then your not man enough to have a cigar.”

A little later, the boy came out of the house with some cookies and milk. Grandpa asked, “Can I have a cookie?” The boy asked, “Can your pecker touch you’re ass?” Grandpa replied, “Hell yeah, my pecker can touch my ass!”

The boy replied, “Then go fuck yourself! Grandma made these for me.”

http://strydehax.blogspot.com/
http://strydehax.blogspot.com/2008/08/hack-olympics.html

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear … “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either … but at least she has an idea of how it feels.

2 in the pink, 1 in the stink
2 in the curtain, 1 for the hurtin’
2 in the fun, 1 in the bun
2 going down, 1 in the brown
2 in the Red, 1 in the Shed (if that time of the month)
2 in the slit, 1 in the shit
2 for the taco, 1 for her Paco
2 in the door, 1 on the floor
2 in the door, 1 in the gore
2 for the friend, 1 in the end
2 in the cunt, 1 in the runt
2 for the meat, 1 in her seat
2 in the flap, 1 in the crap
2 in the gear, 1 in the rear
2 for the pumper, 1 for the dumper
2 for the tube, 1 with some lube
2 in the cunt, 1 in the grunt
2 in the sock, 1 for the shock
2 in the junk, 1 in the trunk
2 in the girl, 1 in the swirl
2 in the cootie, 1 in the booty
2 in the porn, 1 for the corn
2 in the pink slot, 1 in the stink pot
2 in the juice, 1 in the caboose
2 from the hand, 1 for the gland
2 in the chute, 1 in the poot
2 for her, 1 for me!! Gross!!
2 in the pocket, 1 in the chocolate
2 for the Kitty, 1 in the Shitty
2 for the team, 1 in the steam
2 in the cunt, 1 up her ass