Slapyo.com

A husband and wife were making love with the wife on top when their small son walked in on them. The mother deciding that she would need to explain what was going on to her son dismounted her husband and put on some cloths and went to find her son.

“Did you see what I was doing to your daddy?” she asked.

“Yes” replied the wee boy. “Why were you doing that?”

“Well,”, explains the mother, “your daddy has a big tummy and I was trying to flatten it for him”.

“Oh,” says the wee boy. “I think you’re wasting your time”.

“How so?” asks the mother.

“Well, while you go out shopping, the lady who lives next door comes in and blows it back up”.

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant and she proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, she came back out and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?”

“But, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

The bartender laughed and said, “Every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?”

One day at a bus stop, there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don’t even know you!”

Shocked, the man said, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.”