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Why does the Canadian Navy have a height requirement of 6 feet?

If the boat sinks they could walk to shore.

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said ‘”Hang on, I have an idea.”

He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!”

Murphy replied, “Don’t worry - just follow me.”

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said “Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!”

Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!”

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said “Murphy - I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin me!”

Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.”

Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. “Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane…”

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save! the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

Mommy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

Charlie walked into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and said, “Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.”

His wife, who was lying in bed, replied, “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, you idiot.”

The man said, “I think you’ll find that I wasn’t talking to you!”