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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women and what they actually mean.

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance”.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my Dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work. (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing.)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men and what they actually mean.

10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.)

6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.)

5. I don’t date women where I work. (You’re ugly.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.)

2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.)

1. Let’s be friends. (You’re sinfully ugly.)

What’s worse than having termites in your piano?

Having crabs on your organ.

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom were best friends and loved to play together. One day as the two were playing the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail. The farmer had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s Harley, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and when the farmer returned he was none the wiser. The friendship between the two animals was cemented forever: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit and soon began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment - then walked over and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his “crank” and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a harley to pick up chicks!

A woman is looking in the mirror one morning and she says to her husband “I’m fat and ugly. I’ve got bags under my eyes and my boobs are sagging. Compliment me.”

He replies “Well, your eyesight’s perfect.”

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one, and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark sunglasses.

She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind, but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.”

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB test line. It’s a good all around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell who it was.

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

The woman is totally confused. “Didn’t you tell me it was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?”

“Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”