Slapyo.com

A week after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”

The mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”

She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!”

hdtv.wmv (4.41 MB)

A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

“I’m afraid I don’t have a husband,” she replies.

“O.K. do you have a boyfriend?”, asks the Midwife.

“No, no boyfriend either.” “Do you have a partner then?”

“No, I’m unattached, I’ll be having the baby on my own.”

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black.”

“Well,” replies the girl. “I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in an adult movie. The lead man was black.”

“Oh, I’m very sorry,” says the midwife, “that’s really none of my business and I’m sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.”

“Well yes,” the girl again replies, “you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the midwife repeats, “that’s really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.”

“Well yes,” continues the girl, “I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.”

At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, “Well thank God for that!”

“What do you mean?!” says the midwife, shocked.

“Well,” says the girl extremely relieved, “I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark.”