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Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head.

She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

“Hello?” she cried, but no answer.

“Is there anyone here?” she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, “Hello, is there anyone here?”

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away … “We’re down here.”

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test … actually, the foreman doesn’t want to hire him. “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”

“Without numbers?” the Cajun says, “Dat is easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” the boss asks.

“‘Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.

“Fair enough,” says the boss “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”

The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “‘Ere you go.”

The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”

“Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree and dirty tree and dirty tree. Dat is 99.”

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, “All right, one last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “‘Ere you go. One hundred.”

The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred. So … when I start?!”

Olympics.wmv (3.07 MB)

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the community college and sign up for some classes.”

Bob thinks it’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Jim says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weedeater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”

“Yes, I do have a wife.”

“And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weedeater.”

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for math, English, history, and logic.

“Logic?” Bob says, “What’s that?”

Jim says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weedeater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re gay.”