Why you should never question a drunk
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
August 10th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Too funny.
August 10th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I love this joke.
August 11th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I love the unexpected jokes they really do make me laugh out loud.
August 12th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Damn, that’s harsh.
August 14th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
this shits too funny! reminds me of my grandpa
August 16th, 2007 at 5:43 am
Ha Ha! that was funnny. Good one
August 18th, 2007 at 7:29 am
But in the morning, he’ll be sober.
August 19th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
I hear and read about how so many jokes about men, are considered, “male bashing”. Well, I consider this a perfect example of female bashing!
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:39 pm
This joke to me illustrates exactly how women look too deeply into anything a man says.
(on a side note, I think my response sounded more like female bashing than the joke itself.)
August 25th, 2007 at 2:07 am
Karen stop being such a C U N T
August 25th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
No Karen, you’re wrong. The gender here is inconsequential. You could have a joke about a drunk harassing a man, and it would be just as funny. The point of the joke is: only when you’re drunk you can say certain things out loud. If you want to find female bashing look elsewehere; there are plenty of examples. This is not one of them.
August 26th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Karen, i belive its ugly bashing.
And who says the drunk is a guy?
just assuming that “the drunk” is male,
is sexist as you must think woman are perfect and never become alcoholics etc.
Anyskooch ranting aside,
Lmfao!
that was amazing haha
August 26th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
stumbled onto this, gave it a thumbs down and stumbled away. only hill billies and “boobs make me want to jerk off” would find this even remotely funny…
August 26th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Sometimes only the drunk will speak the truth even when the truth hurts.
August 27th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
as a reply to karen’s comment, no this isn’t woman bashing. . . . this is UGLY bashing, hahahahahaha. if you’re ugly, i’m really, REALLY sorry and do apologize and take that back.
September 8th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
2 milander- what do boobs make YOU want to do?
September 10th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
The groceries was a red herring.
September 20th, 2007 at 10:47 am
This joke has been flagged as un-PC and therfore is no longer funny.
You must cease and desist from laughing with immediate affect.
Failure to do so will result in humour.
That is all
September 20th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Man, thats ugly
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:31 pm
LOL, and not like one of those laughing quietly to myself. No, I literally laughed out loud
October 3rd, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Genius!!!
October 8th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Classic
October 10th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Drunks usually tell the truth.
October 12th, 2007 at 2:06 am
A great laugh to lighten the afternoon
October 15th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
gay
October 17th, 2007 at 12:31 am
Harry is trash.
October 19th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
hehehehe!
October 21st, 2007 at 4:58 am
this was totally unexpected as the response. people who think these jokes up must not have lives! to have your mind completely cleared of worry, wonder or just ordinary thoughts is unreal. go get um’ nimble minded creatures!
October 21st, 2007 at 5:01 am
awesome!
October 21st, 2007 at 7:07 am
“stumbled onto this, gave it a thumbs down and stumbled away.”
Lies. You posted a comment, didn’t you? You obviously stayed long enough to do that. And I would bet you even come back to read this.
October 21st, 2007 at 5:30 pm
funny
October 21st, 2007 at 9:51 pm
ROFL! I loved it! To the girls that had a problem with it… Lighten up,it’s f***ing joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 21st, 2007 at 9:53 pm
ROFL! I thought it was hilarious! To the girl with an attitude… It’s just a dang joke
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:10 am
I don’t wish to knock the content of the joke, I didn’t find it even mildly offensive, on a downside though, I didn’t find it mildly amusing either.
Nevermind.
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:49 am
Well.. i find all the replies as GAY-bashing? What if the drunk was a woman?
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:59 am
I cant believe there are so many comments about one small simple joke.
It was a funny joke but for people to have taken offence i think they are the sad cumstains with no life.
Get a life and along the way get a sense of humour to go with it.
Anyway i have joined the saddo’s and submitted a comment of my own now…. damn you people.
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 am
The people that find Jokes offensive are the sad cumstains that dont have a life.
Now why dont you go and get a life and along the way pick up a sense of humour and get on with all the normal people in this world instead of bitching about people with the other sad slimetrails.
Anyway i am also sad now because i have posted a comment on a page with a joke. Now that is also SA A AD.
Asta Lavista Dingo’s
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:06 am
And now even sadder because you can see that my first comment never got through and i decided to change it a bit which makes me uber sad to be taking so much care over a shitty pointless comment. GET OUT OF ME PAUL. IT HURTS!!!!
ARMAGEDDON!!!!
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:41 am
Heres something to balance the offence.
Men get ready to be offended… if your sad enough to be offended by a joke.
1. Men are like Laxatives ….. They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars … Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like . Commercials …… You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores …. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like …. Government Bonds …. They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .. . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn ….. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms …. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like . Lava Lamps .. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
October 23rd, 2007 at 10:42 am
Why does my comment always appear about 10 times. damn website.
Im gone!!
for now…
October 24th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Every joke offends someone. They offend the minority and bring laughter to the majority. Deal with it. And kudos to you if you can laugh at it too.
October 24th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Hey Tomation I loved your comments… What a legend!!
Why are you people criticizing this joke?? It is after all just a JOKE…
If it is offensive to some of you, then it probably means that you are like the woman in this joke…
I personally found this joke highly amusing…
XXX
October 25th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
I love your jokes tomation
Funny stuff everyone lighten up!!!!
October 27th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
WOW to fucking funny! My boy friend said that to some girl before we had sex
October 29th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
HAHAHA - too funny!
October 30th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
:)) Funny Jokes
November 1st, 2007 at 9:06 am
i just had the runs in my pants, and it smells and tastes funny. i think i’m going to get karen to come over and clewan it up w/ her face.
November 5th, 2007 at 8:08 am
Ha Ha! I’ve been having a tough day but that sorted it out. Great joke
November 5th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
My only question is, If a joke can evoke such emotion as to cause you to be offended and need to tell everyone about it when it wasn’t even at your expense, how do you function in everyday life? Better yet, DO you function in every day life? Life’s rough, wear a helmet bitch.
November 6th, 2007 at 6:28 am
Not funny. I work counseling drunks and addicts. Just because the guy is drunk doesn’t excuse him from being an ass.
November 12th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
i keep my comment to HA
November 12th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
omfg ppl get tha fuck over it…. its jus a damn joke and it was funny jus b cuz u work wit drunk ppl dont make it less funny and to tha ppl that were offended b cuz of it get a damn life if it offended u then dont leave a comment who gives a fuck if u like it or not….. anyways…. i thought it was rele rele funny and to any1 wit a prob email me @ Red_Devil0801@yahoo.com….. tomation ur too funny loved ur comments!!!! and i so agree wit u!!!!
peace out bitches!!!!jk an btw it doesnt say that tha drunk was male…. so get tha fuck over it…. it couldve been male or female and im a female and i thought it was funny
November 12th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
haha! nice one…
November 13th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
it was funny, but it wasnt laught out loud funny.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:04 am
Normally I wouldn’t ‘thumbs up’ this on stumble upon but to balance the one that claims to say ‘thumbs down’ and left, I felt like balancing it out!
I found this joke.. blunt! good, but not the best. It is also sad to see people who get ‘offended’ over silly little things. Remember ‘nutty professor’ movie, obese people were MAD at the show cause its showing of fat people (dinner scene).. remember Mr McGoo? Blind societies were MAD at that show.
It’s sad when everything MUST CEASE to prevent ‘offending’ someone. EVERYTHING we do may offend at least one person. I for one won’t stop in fear of offending someone. Besides, you can ONLY offend someone that is weak in character (a flake, a nut; a Wishy-Washy person). It is just as easy to be not offended as it is to BE offended. if you were ‘offended’ by this bawdy talk, simply click away and hold NO grudge… If your clicking into most pages offends you, maybe the internet isn’t a safe place for you to play around in and NOT for you. perhaps try watching Barny re-runs (where everyone loves everyone else and a safe place to hide out in).
ok, I’m done my rant.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:42 am
ha i found this amusing
people calm down let people comment whatever they want about this
JEEZ
November 19th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
thats a rude mother fucker.
November 20th, 2007 at 7:53 am
Here’s another recipe for you:
2 spoons of Interwebs + 50 morons = this page.
;P
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
This is one more reason not to get drunk…You turn into a meanie!
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:50 am
HOW can this be offensive?! If anyone should be offended it should be the men by the comments. There’s nothing in the original joke that indicated the drunk was a man, but everybody automatically assumed it was a man.
I loved the joke.
November 23rd, 2007 at 6:21 pm
roflmfao hahaha
November 24th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Heard better jokes than that.
Some of the comments though, were shockingly vulgar, offensive, rude, revolting, obnoxious, foul, gross and detestable.
Why the fuck do some fucking assholes have to fucking well swear the fuck out of every fucking thing they fucking say?
Bollocks!
November 24th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAGHA awesome. Tomation you rock.
November 25th, 2007 at 10:28 am
lmfao
November 25th, 2007 at 10:31 am
i agree with christopher
November 25th, 2007 at 10:42 am
that was a perfect example of karen the douchebag
November 25th, 2007 at 10:47 am
and if you were offended by this, you have no life and need to realize that if you have no sense of humor, DONT READ JOKES. you end up ruining it for everyone else. and sandra, you can suck my balls bitch. if you dont like the joke, leave now and dont come back. im done now.
peace
November 26th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Read half way down the comment about male and female bashing.
How do we know the drunk wasn’t a hermaphridite? (if that’s how you spell it)
November 30th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
First!
December 1st, 2007 at 9:29 am
[...] nen hond schooien voor ook een stukske. Van mijne koek kreeg hij niks, maar ik heb hem wel een goei mopke verteld. Vervolgens zijn we een bekke gaan spelen op de ukulele en ne grafsteen gaan uitkiezen voor [...]
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:02 am
Not the greatest joke ever, but at 2:53AM (my local time, not the server time), it is somewhat amusing.
Almost every joke is offensive to somebody. There are gay jokes, lesbian jokes, blonde, ginger and brunette jokes (I’m a red-head), anti-male jokes, anti-female jokes, stupid people jokes, art major graduate jokes (appeal to me, I’m planning on an engineering degree), Jesus jokes. The list goes on…
Political Correctness has gone too far, there is a limit where PC meets reality. Like calling somebody black, it is a fair description. I have no problem being called white, I dont want to be called anglo-european, why should i call black people African-American? Plus that is assuming that they are both American and descended from Africa. Majority of black people in England are descended from west-indies people. And people from south africa, who can often be white, that live in america, can be called african american.
I’m done.
ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzz *splutter* ZZZZZZzzzzzzz…..
December 15th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Its just a joke a f ****n JOKE, how can it affect so many people ?
December 27th, 2007 at 1:34 am
[...] (via slapyo) [...]
December 29th, 2007 at 1:59 am
I would have to say, the comments here are more amusing than the actual joke itself.
January 25th, 2008 at 2:34 am
…..but she WAS ugly…..
man, that was damn funny
January 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
lol … i like the surprising ending
January 25th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
shut up, karen
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:39 am
If she’s ugly when he’s drunk, she must really be ugly.
April 9th, 2008 at 4:34 am
I found this joke to be in the poorest possible taste and extremely offensive! It is riddled with stereotypes and prejudice.
I demand that the above joke to rewritten, and the term “woman” removed. In accordance with the rules on gender equality that I have just this moment invented, I demand that the word “woman” be replaced by “non gender specific human”. Furthermore this joke is offensive to drunks, in that it implies they may act in the manner of one who is intoxicated! This is a vile prejudice! I demand that the word “drunk” be replaced by “non gender specific human whose forthrightness may be attributed to drinking, but equally may not”
As a concerned citizen of Somewhereimportantland, I have no foibles about forcing my beliefs on you; petty and ridiculous though they may at first appear, they will help to make this a better, more equal world. And they make me feel powerful and useful. If you don’t make these changes I demanded, then I will write to my local Government official, who will ignore me.
May 18th, 2008 at 12:42 am
For all the women who were offended: How do you know that the drunk was a man? If you read the joke carefully, you’ll see that the sex of the drunk is not identified. Your automatic assumption that the drunk was a man is the only thing offensive here.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
[...] via Tags: Humor Posted in Humor | permalink [...]
September 13th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Don’t question just laugh and take it in the nuts!
September 19th, 2008 at 8:51 am
For all the women who are offended… you must be ugly too.
September 28th, 2008 at 3:27 am
Its just a joke!!! Grow up!!! and Karen you must be the ugle chick in the joke to take offence to it!
September 28th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Its a joke people. A joke. If you get offended by a joke. You should find other sites to hang out.
September 28th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
xyzabc - GOOD Job!!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:54 am
I have man boobs (moobs)
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:20 am
You know you’re ugly when beer goggles won’t work on you.